2012年12月29日 星期六

笑死人的十二星座小孩

白羊座(3/22-4/21) :                                                      
                                                                           
媽媽經常叮囑羊羊:" 穿裙子時不可以蕩秋千;不然,會被小男生看到裏面的小內褲哦!
有一天,羊羊高興地對媽媽說: " 今天我和小明比賽蕩秋千,我贏了! "
媽媽生氣地說: " 不是告訴過你嗎?穿裙子時不要蕩秋千! "
羊羊驕傲地說: " 可是我好聰明哦!"
我把裏面的小內褲脫掉了,這樣他 就看不到我的小內褲了! "
(勇敢直率、敢做敢為的白羊)                                              
                                                                           
                                                                           
金牛座(4/22-5/21) :                                                      
                                                                           
賣瓜小販: " 快來吃西瓜,不甜不要錢! "
饑渴的牛牛: " 哇!太好了,老闆,來個不甜的! "
(持家、想出軌又顧全自己的金牛)
                                                                           
                                                                           
雙子座(5/22 -6/21):                                                      
                                                                           
媽媽叫雙雙起床: " 快點起來!公雞都叫好幾遍了! "
雙雙說: " 公雞叫和我有什麼關係?我又不是母雞! "
(自我意識強烈、自行思維的雙子)                                         
                                                                           
                                                                           
巨蟹座(6/22-7/21) :                                                      
                                                                           
公車上,蟹蟹說: " 今晚我要和媽媽睡! "
媽媽問道: " 你將來娶了媳婦也和媽媽睡阿?"
蟹蟹不假思索: " 嗯! "
媽媽又問: " 那你媳婦怎麼辦? "
蟹蟹想了半天,說: " 好辦,讓她跟爸爸睡! "
媽媽: " !@#$%︿&*( ……-! "
再看爸爸,已經熱淚盈眶啦!
(戀母情結、依戀的巨蟹)
                                                                           
                                                                           
獅子座(7/22-8/21) :                                                      
                                                                           
獅獅去參加奶奶的壽宴。到了吃壽包的時?
獅獅問: " 我們為什麼要吃這種像屁股的壽包? "
眾人听了臉色大變。
接著獅獅撥開壽包,看看裏面的豆沙,說: " 奶奶,快看!裏面還有大便! "
眾人暈的暈,吐的吐。
(以自我感受、不怕旁人眼光的驕傲的獅子)
                                                                           
                                                                           
處女座(8/22-9/21) :                                                      
                                                                           
處處對肚臍很好奇,就問爸爸。
爸爸把臍帶連著胎兒與母體的道理簡單地講了一下,說: " 嬰兒離開母體之後,醫生把臍帶減斷,並打了一個結,後來就成了肚臍。 "
處處: " 那醫生為什麼不打個蝴蝶結? "
(好奇心強又追求完美的處女)
                                                                           
                                                                           
天秤座(9/22-10/21) :                                                     
                                                                           
父親對天天說: " 今天不要上學了,昨晚...
你媽給你生了兩個弟弟。你給老師說一下就行了。 "
天天卻回答: " 爸爸,我只說生了一個;另一個,我想留著下星期不想上時再說!"
(聰明、權衡利弊的天平)
                                                                           
                                                                           
天蠍座(10/22-11/21) :                                                    
                                                                           
蠍蠍剛睡著,就叫蚊子叮了一口。
他起來趕蚊子,卻怎麼也趕不出去。
沒法,便指著蚊子說: " 好吧,你不出去我出去! "
邊說邊出了房間,把門使勁關嚴得意地說:" 哼!我今晚不進屋,非把你餓死不可! "
(搞不懂、不按常理出牌的天蠍)
                                                                           
                                                                           
射手座(11/22-12/21) :                                                    
                                                                           
射射: " 爸爸,為什麼你有那麼多白頭髮? "
爸爸: " 因為你不乖,所以爸爸有好多白頭髮阿。 "
射射: …… (疑惑中)
射射: "那為什麼爺爺全部都是白頭髮?"
爸爸:!@#$%︿&*!!  …… 
(喜歡思考的射手)
                                                                      
                                                        
摩羯座(12/22-1/21) :
                                                                           
一天,羯羯跟媽媽上街;走在路上,突然下起雨來。
媽媽拉過羯羯的小手,說: " 下雨了,快往前跑阿! "
羯羯慢條斯理地問: " 那前面就不下雨嘍!? "
(明白現實懶得改變的摩羯)
                                                                           
                                                                           
水瓶座(1/22-2/21) :
                                                                           
瓶瓶問媽媽: " 問什麼稱蔣先生為『先人』? "
媽媽說: " 因為 ' 先人 ' ! 是對死去的人的稱呼。 "
瓶瓶說: " 那去世的奶奶是不是要叫『鮮奶』? "
(天生的另類、腦筋思考永遠和常人不一樣的水瓶)
                                                                           
                                                                           
雙魚座(2/22-3/21) :                                                      
                                                                           
爸爸給魚魚講小時候經常挨餓的事。
完後,魚魚兩眼含淚,十分同情地問:
" 哦,爸爸,你是因為沒飯吃才來我們家的嗎? "
(富含豐富同情心、不分情況物件的雙魚)

轉貼自:Special thanks to Christina's email

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